last night i dreamed that scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove humans are closely related to goats and i was so insulted i woke up
just remembered that I set up my dick as one of my finger prints on my phone while drunk one night. i can unlock my phone with my dick head. 2014 is amazing
sidechick: did u see the pic?
me: what pic?
sidechick: the one of us I put on insta
I don’t get these posts that go like “part of me wants to be a hot girl at the bar and the other part of me wants to read and sip tea in a bookstore”
like you can wear red lipstick and a leather jacket and sip tea and dance in the rain and go to the gym and curl up in bed and get turnt the fuck up and go to church
you can literally have it all sis
the world is yours
This is the most inspiring thing I have ever read
straight people are terrifying they can go as far as to give the girl skeleton a pair of bone titties to indicate its a straight relationship
"boss look at these skeletons in love I have beautifully rendered"
"yeah cool but they look gay tho"
"o I suppose they do lol"
"better put some skelton tity on one"
when your mom asks why you didnt do any of the chores on the list she gave you
when you say a great comeback without stuttering
Ice Bucket Challenge Fail Compilation
when someone is your best friend on snapchat and you’re not even in their top three
I’m crying oh my fucking god