spotifylistener:

when i have a kid i’m going to make his middle name “lazy” or something so that when ppl yell at him like “holy frick you’re so lazy” he can just be like “yeah well lazy’s my middle name” and swag the fuck outta there

getoffmybloghoe:

My girlfriend got charged for beastiality because I’m an animal in bed

meoplelikepeople:

acrackinthetardis:

nickgrimshade:

do you ever remember that harry is only 18 years old and he’s been accused of sleeping with 410 women and breaking up 3 marriages and he can’t even get a tattoo without being surrounded by thousands of girls and he has no privacy and never actually gets to just be an 18 year old kid

For a minute I thought you were talking about Harry Potter and I was really confused

I was trying to remember when this happened in the books.

koolaidicecubes:

gayleaf:

I’m not sexually frustrated, I’m sexually FURIOUS *punches hole in wall*

*has angry sex with the hole*

quazza:

i am reminded that english is a flawed language every time I am forced to use “that that” in a sentence

bluepikmin:

you cant eat the pussy until you finish your vegetables 

enayalate-h8-this-year:

bbanditt:

slett:

winchestercodependency:

ibecameacat:

what if all your fingers just turned into tongues… like what would you even do

dude people with vaginas would have the best time getting off

“People with vaginas”

what are those called again

I can’t remember

lampsarepeopletoo:

they call me macklemore in math class because im like

what what what what what

what what what what what what what

what what what what

bigstupidbaby:

i like australia because we call things what they are. like what the hell is a dime? its ten cents. a quarter? do you mean 25 cents we aint doing fractions here we are trying to buy some shit 

friendsofthegaybc:

travisstolls:

friendsofthegaybc:

travisstolls:

WHEN HE WAS A YOUNG WARTHOG

WHEN I WAS A YOUNG WARTHOOOOOOOOG

Very nice

Thanks

growlithed:

how does someone as ugly as me have such high standards